Why I write

ON

Writing

by Michael Dolan/B.V. Mahayogi

Some people question why I write. It's a waste of my time, I should do something more productive and useful like carpentry or plumbing or selling cellphones. Who am I to say anything? Why should anyone listen or read? It's all been said before and better by better men and women than me. After all, writing like all art is mere vanity.

I face quite a bit of opposition, not least from my own laziness. After all, I’m not famous and I don’t make any money doing this. But not everything is done for money and fame. We live in a society where money is appreciated and fame is important. But when money and fame are the only important things, real value is lost. In today’s world every human transaction is tracked and monetized. But I do not write for money. I write because I have to.

I have no choice in the matter. Humans have a natural instinct towards language, says Darwin. I believe this is true, insofar as “instinct” is true. I write from instinct. It is my dharma.

“Dharma” is a funny word. It sounds like “karma.” Dharma and karma are related ideas. But dharma is more about who you are, where karma is what you do. Dharma is about how “the self in the world” relates to consciousness and divinity: society consciousness and God consciousness. In other words, “religion, duty, essential being.” The dharma of sodium is to be salty. The dharma of glucose is to be sweet. Separate sweet from sugar and it is no longer sugar. The dharma of the human soul is an interesting question, one that may be explored in terms of proper activity or mysticism. Proper activity in dharma is ethics, morality, and religion. Mysticism in dharma is the attempt to unravel the spirit on the path of self-realization. Dharma is about “who you are,” especially in relation to your eternal function as spirit.

Karma has more to do with the world of action and reaction. We think of karma as what you do and how that action creates a reaction. Where dharma is both essence and ethics, Karma is work, energy, action and reaction.

Karma and dharma are related in the sense that “What you do” and “who you are are” related. For example if we ask someone, “What are you?” they say, “I’m a doctor,” or “I’m a carpenter.” So there is a natural way of identifying our dharmic sense of “who we are” with “what we do,” or our karmic activity.

The Vedic system attempted to divide society according to dharmic characteristics in the system known as varnashram-dharma. Krishna says in Bhagavad-Gita that this system is God-given: cātur-varṇyaṁ mayā sṛṣṭaṁ guṇa-karma-vibhāgaśaḥ “According to the three modes of material nature and the work associated with them, the four divisions of human society are created by Me.”  According to one’s quality and work, he finds himself positioned in a particular sector of society where his dharma manifests itself through karmic activity. Thus karma reflects dharma. What one does is related to what one “is” socially.

So, karma and dharma are connected in the sense that “who I am” is connected to “what I do.” If you are highly educated, love to help people, and concerned about health, you are a doctor. That’s who you are. You heal people: that’s what you do. I am athletic, a natural leader, and love arms and contests, I am a soldier. It’s who I am. Going to war is what I do. Karma and dharma are related.

So I don’t write because I want name and fame or money. I write because it’s who I am. It’s what I do.

Chaitanya Mahāprabhu warns against the pride of a poet. In His Śikśāstakam we find:

na-dhanaṁ na-janaṁ na-sundarīm

kavitāṁ vā jagadīśa kāmaye |

mama janmani janmani īśvare

bhavatād bhaktiḥ ahaitukī tvayi || 4||

“O almighty Lord, I have no desire to accumulate wealth, nor do I desirebeautiful women, nor do I want any number of followers. I only want ẏour causeless devotional service birth after birth.”

A devotee of Krishna is not interested in mundane wealth and fame. His service is unconditional. Still, we cannot avoid having our service be tempered by our individual karma and dharma. Unconditional service may be required by my spiritual preceptor. And yet each of us is qualified in particular ways according to our karma and dharma. Sometimes the mission needs money. Some people are especially qualified to do business. Others are not. The guru often gets involved personally in charging particular students with particular tasks, given their dharma and karma or their qualifications.

Personally, I am quite introverted. When I first joined the mission I was asked to go out and collect. I did so on a daily basis, selling Prabhupada’s books in the street; in airports, at K-mart shopping malls. I dressed as Santa Claus and collected donations by handing out candy canes and exhorting people to help the mission. I even went out in a clown suit and sold Barry White records. On the basis of a vow of obedience and the determination to help the mission, I accepted any number of tasks and did my best to perform them.

At a later date I was asked to transcribe the lectures of my guru Shridhar Maharaja and compile and edit them into books. I found that in order to fulfill this duty I needed to become more erudite. Shridhar Maharaja for example explains that “Subjective Evolution of Consciousness” may be explained and understood with reference to the idealism of Bishop Berkeley. In order to better defend the ideas of my Guru Maharaja, I took to studying Berkeley and Hegel. Now, studying Berkeley and Hegel isn’t for everyone. It may not be the appropriate dharma or karma for the general public. But since it was my dharma to defend the ideas of my Guru Mahārāja, I took it upon myself to become more erudite with a view to properly editing his books.

Shridhar Maharaja had a particular gift. He was able to speak truth and at the same time speak without offending others. This is a great ability. Many devotees, determined to advance their cause, speak boldly. They have no concern for the feelings of others; they must only speak the truth. But while Shridhar Maharaja’s arguments were both brilliant and subtle, he also took care not to alienate non-believers.

This often gives an oracular quality to his speech. Now that he is no longer with us, we have only his books and the memories of his followers to guide us. But often the oracular quality of his speech makes it difficult to understand his purpose. His speech seems to appeal to both sides of some questions. An oracle sometimes needs interpretation.

The point of my blog, then, is to try to support Shridhar Maharaja’s point of view. Where at times his message was subtle, I try to spell it out. Where at times his message was general, I try to explain things more specifically. And where he would veer off and drop a reference showing how Hegel or Berkeley support the conclusions of Chaitanya Mahāprabhu, I have tried sometimes to shade in or color their ideas, to better highlight his meaning.

I believe that Krishna Consciousness has a universal message. I believe it goes beyond what someone wears or eats or how they talk. And this is what inspires me as I write. Unfortunately I often face a tremendous amount of criticism by those who want me to cleave to their beliefs. And yet by trying to follow some line in the sand, I find that the line shifts and the sand withers with the tide.

Shakespeare felt that his writing was immortal. In his Sonnet XVIII, he proudly claimed, “So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.” I make no such claim for this blog.

I know these words are ephemeral and whatever I write here will be forgotten by the time the sun moves to the horizon. Still writing has somehow become karma and dharma to me. I cannot avoid it. I hope then that you, dear reader, will find something of value here.

Writing for me is my way of holding mysterious communion with my readers. I hope that our life is somehow enhanced by that communion. I write, then, because I have to, because I have been ordered to do so, because it is karma and dharma to me. I write to discover my own ignorance and to see what I know. I write to try to dispel ignorance in myself by not writing what I don’t know.

So thank you for joining me in my journey to discovery, the journey to surrender.