Surrender

Dear Friends: 

I started this blog a year ago, on November 11th. My idea was to post something every day about my spiritual path, to see if I could make any progress. Progress towards what? Surrender. So the name of my blog, "Journey to Surrender."

I'm not sure if I've made any progress. Sometimes it seems that I'm running as fast as I can just to stay in the same place. Despite my best efforts, surrender eludes me.

In the last year I've written 587 blog posts, some of them better than others. People seem to like the story about Shakuntala. "Sons of Nectar" has more than 160 page views. By the time you read this, I should have reached my goal of 40,000 page-views. That anyone at all might read my reflections is inspiration enough for me to continue.

Since November of 2014, I've traveled to Russia with destinations in St. Petersburg and Moscow. I gave some talks to the truth seekers and Vaishnavas there, who gave me great inspiration and encouragement. I traveled to Kiev, Ukraine and spoke with the devotees there who work with full-dome and Vedalife projects.  I had great talks, made some new friends, met with the old friends, chanted hare krishna, made plans for kirtan on ice in Red Square, drank copious amounts of black tea and was blessed by many holy acolytes of divine love and bhakti-yoga.

I traveled to Bangkok, and Chiang Mai and met with my old friend and spiritual mentor Bhakti Sudhir Goswami. Bhakti Bimal Avadhuta Maharaja saw something useful in me and gave me some work on his movie about the ancient temples in Angkor Wat. I spent 3 weeks visiting elephants, drinking copious amounts of pure rich black Thai coffee and revising our script for the Cambodia Movie. I was surprised by the dedication of the Russian devotees, still further amazed by the pure bhakti of the Chiang Mai crew. We moved on to Siam Reap, Cambodia, determined to shoot a movie. Avadhuta Maharaja's energy is legend, but he worked miracles in Cambodia, penetrating the maze of jungles, directing the shoot, navigating the Apsara authority who chased after us with rickshaws and handcuffs. It was the most amazing experience in my long and checkered career. 

Back in Mexico I've dedicated 3 or 4 hours a day to writing projects including the Mahabharata, stories of the strong women and devotees of ancient India as seen as Shakuntala, Savitri, Damayanti, and Kunti. I've done my best to keep writing the blog, while maintaining correspondence with devotees in Thailand, India, China, United States, Russia, Ukraine, Ireland, Australia, Mexico, Brazil and around the world. It's impossible to name all the great souls. It would take me pages and pages to properly list everyone's names. You know who you are. Some friends have taken sannyasa, others have gone off to other quarters of the world, but all of you have helped me to penetrate more deeply into the divine reality. 

Every wave is favourable. 

Meanwhile, I teach school. I've taught 2 semesters of English classes at the Universidad de Guanajuato where I work, doing my best to empower my students as well as install a sense of truth-seeking within them that they might be better equipped to handle the challenges that face them. I continue to volunteer for Libros Sin Frontiers, an organization for promoting literature and reading for Mexican children. Much of the year was taken up by my health problems, as I did my best to survive a serious heart condition. 

All of these experiences have helped encourage my faith. One of the things that intrigues me is how to continue in my faith while facing the daily challenges of life as an educator in Mexico. 

Lou Reed once sang, "You need a busload of faith to get by." I find this to be true. As I faced the quotidian crises of 2015, many people reminded me of this again in again. "Have faith," they said. But faith in what exactly? I have faith that Kṛṣṇa will protect me, in the end. But I'm not worried about death, precisely. I'm convinced that death will come in due course. I don't think this is pessimistic, but realistic. But I think that Kṛṣṇa will protect me in a higher sense, in the sense that positive and progressive immortality does exist, and that perhaps I'll get a chance to participate in the higher plane somehow. If not, perhaps I'll get another shot at service to the servants of divine in a next life.  In the end it is not mine to say.

People talk about being "Christians," but in the end it's up to Jesus, really. He's the one who gets to decide ultimately if anyone is a Christian or not. In the same way, devotees strive to be "pure" or "follow the rules," but in the end it's Vishnu who decides who's a Vaishnava.  In my time I did my share of following "rules." Lately I'm not such a good example of the rules, but I feel I'm on the path. 

So I call this space, "Journey to Surrender."The question remains, “What is surrender?” Back in the day, when we were huddled around a typewriter in the winter of 1982 at the rented blue house in Nabadwip dham, we had a long debate over the meaning of Śrīdhara Mahārāja's Prapanna-jivanamritam. In those days we had no real idea who Śrīdhara Mahārāja was. 

We saw him as a kindly uncle, who could bring us closer to Prabhupāda's teachings, now that he had left us. We felt that Prabhupāda hadn't died, that he would live forever in his teachings. But sometimes we found that he had said things that seemed to contradict each other. Sometimes he had stressed service, and other times he told devotees to just chant hare krishna. How could we reconcile all these things. Śrīdhara Mahārāja turned out to be much more than a kindly uncle. 


In him, we had found the source itself.  As we looked through his work, Prapanna-jivanāmṛtam, we found that he begins with Rūpa Gosvāmī. At the beginning of his book, he talks about surrender and then uses Rūpa Gosvāmi's definition as his point of departure for discussing surrender. With the help of the internet, I can look up references and reflect more easily. I have culled the following from different sources; when time permits I shall cite each source in its place for the deep scholars amongst you, but Sanskrit and devanagari are a bit of a typesetter's nightmare and it took me a bit of time to get some of this correctly, so I'll leave the bibliography for later. 

Surrender: Śaraṇāgati

Rūpa Goswāmī himself defines surrender, based on the teachings of Śrī Chaitanya Mahāprabhu:

आनुकूल्यस्य सङ्कल्पः, प्रातिकूल्यस्य वर्जनम्

रक्षिष्यतीति विश्वासो, गोप्तृत्वे वरणं तथा

आत्म-निक्षेप-कार्पण्ये, षड्-विधा शरणागतिः

रूप गोस्वामी श्री सत्वत-तन्त्र॒ ७३

ānukūlyasya saṅkalpaḥ, prātikūlyasya varjanam

rakṣiṣyatīti viśvāso, goptṛtve varaṇaṁ tathā

ātma-nikṣepa-kārpaṇye, ṣaḍ-vidhā śaraṇāgatiḥ

(Śrī Satvata-tantra: 73)

“Accepting what is favourable, rejecting what is unfavourable, being confident that Krishna will grant His protection, embracing Krishna’s guardianship, fully offering one’s self to Krishna, and feeling oneself to be lowly are the six aspects of Śaraṇāgati.”

Śrīla B.R. Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaj composed his Prapanna-jivanāmrtam according to these 6 principles of surrender that are given in the scriptures.

Later we had the benefit of Jagat-gurudeva Govind Mahārāja's own explanation of Śrīdhara Mahārāja. He once said, “I have read so many things about these qualities of sharanagati from so many places but what Srila Guru Mahārāja has given is supreme.  And in one śloka he has given us a very nice, clear explanation of Śaranāgati that is a perfect jewel you cannot find anywhere else.

“It is the most essential prescription given anywhere for everyone to enter the transcendental service world. If you can memorize just this one śloka and put it in your heart then you will receive everything ever given in any scripture.

भागवद्-भक्तितः सर्वम् इत्य् उत्सृज्य विधेर् अपि

कैङ्कर्यं कृष्ण-पादैका-श्रयत्वं शरणागतिः

(श्री श्री प्रपन्न-जिईवनामृतम् १.३५)

bhagavad-bhaktitaḥ sarvam ity utsṛjya vidher api

kaiṅkaryaṁ kṛṣṇa-pādaikā-śrayatvaṁ śaraṇāgatiḥ

(śrī śrī prapanna-jiīvanāmṛtam: 1.35)

“Here Srila Guru Maharaj expressed that Śaranāgati means faith that Bhagavad-bhaktitah sarvam, that through devotion to Bhagavan, Krishna consciousness, you will get everything.

Bhagavan means the Supreme Personality of Godhead Kṛṣṇa who possesses all worshipable qualities—the akhila-rasamrita-murtih, the Emporium of all rasa.

“So everything you want and need—rasa, ecstasy, joy, full nourishment, etc.—will automatically come to you through His service. Your life will be glorious, successful and perfect through devotion to Lord Krishna. And not only will you receive everything you need internally, but full facility to serve Krishna will also come to you.”

वासुदेवे भगवति भक्ति-योगः प्रयोजितः

जनयत्य् आशु वैराग्यं ज्ञानं छ यद् अहैतुकम्

(श्रिमाद् भागवतम्॒ १.२.७)

vāsudeve bhagavati bhakti-yogaḥ prayojitaḥ

janayaty āśu vairāgyaṁ jñānaṁ cha yad ahaitukam

(Srimad Bhagavatam: 1.2.7)

Automatically renunciation from this material world will come to you and spiritual knowledge will be revealed in your heart.

भक्तिस् त्वयि स्थिरतरा भगवन् यदि स्याद्

दैवेन नः फलति दिव्य-किशोर-मूर्तिः

मुक्तिः स्वयं मुकुलिताञ्जलि सेवते ’स्मान्

धर्मार्थ-काम-गतयः समय-प्रतीक्षाह्

(श्रि कृष्ण-कर्नामृत॒ १०७)

bhaktis tvayi sthiratarā bhagavan yadi syād

daivena naḥ phalati divya-kiśora-mūrtiḥ

muktiḥ svayaṁ mukulitāñjali sevate ’smān

dharmārtha-kāma-gatayaḥ samaya-pratīkṣāh

(Śri Kṛṣṇa-karnāmṛta: 107)

Govinda Mahārāja continued, “Moksha, liberation, will come to you with folded palms and ask, “What service shall I do for you?” Dharma,  artha, and love, will wait by her side to assist you in your service of the Lord.”

“Through a  surrender  to Kṛṣṇa everything will come to you. The Lord’s divine form and the prapanna-jivanamritam, the full nectar of a life of surrendered service, will appear in your heart. In this way we must understand that devotion for Krishna is all-in-all (bhāgavad-bhaktitah sarvam).”

Govinda Mahārāja explained, “Then Srila Guru Maharaj said, ity utsrijya vidher api kainkaryam, even if we cannot follow so many rules and regulations written in the scriptures for the guidance of conditioned souls, even if we cannot follow the standards of vidhi-marga but we are surrendered to the Lord, then our devotional mood will purchase the Lord and we will get a good result.”

 Śrīdhara Mahārāja himself explained the principle of Śaraṇāgati: “The question will remain whether I have surrendered totally or not. My ego – has it allowed me to surrender to His holy feet fully or is it self-deception? The question is there. There is no doubt that if anyone surrenders to Him totally, He will protect him – that is unquestionable. But the question remains here whether I have successfully surrendered myself to Him or not. Self-analysis. That is the truth. It is His intrinsic nature that at all times His eternal habit is that He will protect whoever comes under the shelter of His protection. That is one of His intrinsic characteristics. It cannot be otherwise. However, the question is only whether I can surrender to Him or not. To offer one’s own self. To cast one’s own self to His custody, and at the same time to go on with the idea that He will surely protect me.”

“This kind of confidence is what is meant by rakṣisyati-viśvāso (expecting the Lord’s protection). That is a particular stage of Śaraṇāgati, where one thinks, “I will have so much confidence that He will protect me from any danger. One may run to protect oneself knowing there is danger, but still he is thinking, “My guardian will save me. Whom do I care for? I don’t care for anyone. He is my master and He is there on my head, He will protect me.”

“In this stage of surrender, there is no necessity of any apprehension  from any quarter at all. Śaraṇāgati reaches to such a zenith, to such a height that not only will He save me if I go on in a right way, I shall risk everything for the Lord, and if necessary, He may come to my relief. Such audacious aggression is there. This may be found in all stages. That particular mentality is there in the ordinary soldier – he has got confidence in his general. They may take the risk of entering the camp of the enemy thinking, “The general will come and devastate them.” It may be found in many places, in many stages of life. But here, that con dence is found not in this world, but in the highest quarter. That sort of con dence, that “For whom do we care?” So much indulgence they enjoy, so much con dence they enjoy, so much faith they have in their protector that they do not care about anyone or anything. They will even go to catch a snake or a tiger.

“Jīva Gosvāmī Prabhu has discussed that goptṛtve-varaṇa (praying for the Lord’s shelter) is the main thing in the whole of Śaraṇāgati. That is the whole gist, the substance – to pray to Him for His shelter. “You are my protector.”  Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura says,

dainya, ātma-nivedana, goptṛtve varaṇa

‘avaśya rakṣibe kṛṣṇa’—viśvāsa pālana

(Sharanagati: 1.3)

Dainyam and atma-nivedanam: “I can’t stand alone; I am not able to stand independently on my own legs. I must seek the shelter of He by whose grace alone I can live.” In this way the tendency of atma-nivedanam [self-surrender] will naturally come from within because I feel that I cannot stand independently: I am that insignificant and thus desire shelter.

“Then goptritve varana and ‘avaysha raksibe Krishna’—vishvasa palana. I must ardently and sincerely accept Him as my guardian and first of all I must have confidence that He will protect me: “I am not shelterless—my guardian cannot but save me.”

“That is the main thing in the whole of Śaraṇāgati and all others are subsidiary. To maintain the faith that He will save us – He cannot but do this.

The example is given by Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura – the cow boys are welcoming so many risks in their life backed by the confidence that, “My friend is there and He will surely protect me.”

রক্ষ করবি তুহুঙ্ নিশ্চয জানি, পান কোরুবুঙ্ হাম যমুনা পানি

কালিয-দোখ করবি ৱিনাশা শোধোবি নদী-জল, বডাওবি অশা

শরণাগতি ৩.৯, ভক্তিৱিনোদ ঠাকুর

rakṣa karabi tuhuṅ niścaya jāni, pāna korubuṅ hāma yamunā pāni

kāliya-dokha karabi vināśā śodhobi nadī-jala, baḍāobi aśā

“Kṛṣṇa I am confident that You will protect me, so I will drink the waters of the Yāmuna. Kāliya’s venom will be vanquished. You will purify the waters of the Yamunā, and such heroic acts will increase our faith.” (Śaraṇāgati 3.6)

In a part of the Yamunā a serpent was living and his poison contaminated the whole area. But the cowherd friends of Kṛṣṇa did not care for that. At the bottom of their heart, they were so con dent of Kṛṣṇa’s continuous assistance at their back, they were going and rushing towards that poisonous thing and swallowing poison. “Oh, Kṛṣṇa is at our back, whom do I fear? We don’t fear anyone.” They are going into the Kāliya-ghāṭa, that poisonous place on the Yamunā and they are drinking that water and fainting, but without any fear. “My friend is there. We do not care for any poison or anything. He will save us. He will protect us.” They went ahead to invite danger with that confidence. “We don’t care for any danger because our support, our friend is there who has got some supernatural power.” Then Kṛṣṇa had to go and again revive them from the poisonous effect. Generally they are always in a position that they do not want that, “You protect me!” Very rarely – as in the case of Govardhana where the whole locality prayed for protection from Indra the king of heaven, when his annual worship was closed. Indra was very much enraged and he wanted to punish the general section of that group by heavy rain, hail, storm and thunder. Then the whole group came and took refuge of Kṛṣṇa, “You protect us from this great destruction.” And Kṛṣṇa managed. Otherwise they are always fostering this idea that, “He is there, our protector. We do not care for anything else. We are not afraid of any danger. He is there. He cannot but protect us.” That is the idea of surrender exemplified by the friends of Kṛṣṇa."

I'm sure I have a long way to go in my journey to surrender. But I feel I'm on the path. And sometimes I meet great souls who have been farther down the path. They appear and tell me, "It's that way," and point out the turns to take and explain some of the pitfalls. Thanks to all the great souls who have given me guidance. I hope I will get the chance to see some of you again along the path.

Sincerely,

Bhakti Vidhan Mahayogi,

Michael Dolan.